Our idea:
An Indian centralized Sperm Bank, started and maintained in association with all males in Indian (especially Engineering) colleges.
The Logo of our Bank. It is awesome because it simultaneously suggests links to political parties and our inclination for 'under the table funds', while staying true to the original idea.
Why this makes sense
- There is a huge inexhaustible supply in every college in the country.
- This supply is especially consistent from gender skewed Engineering Colleges, magnified by the amount of internet access available to them.
- These seeds of great wealth and prosperity for India are currently flushed away totally unused and unnoticed.
- Many people believe that engineers are highly analytical and intelligent, and would like their children to have those 'intelligent' genes. Of course, this is a misconception, but it's great for us and the future of India.
Logistics
- The main thing that sets this idea apart from everything else that has ever been done in the world is the unique collection system, which is shown below.
It can be seen that this system is revolutionary because it has a convenient pipe collection mechanism direct from your hostel room! An outlet will be made next to your computer screen to ensure efficiency.- Expected output: We expect an average of 5 cc per male student per day, and about 3 lakh contributors. This will give us about 1500 litres per day.
- Many celebrities have agreed to come together and aid us in this project. They will provide us subsidized access to educational movies that will help in expedient production. A certain bhabhi has also expressed interest in motivating her already large fan base to contribute better and more often.
- All the collections will be stored, as shown in the figure, in special named and numbered jars that shall be protected by 1000 commandos at any hour of the day or night.
Special points
- Any contributor will receive Rs. 100 on anyone buying his/her produce. For our target producer, the hostelier college dude, that is limitless motivation.
- Some people have expressed concern that we may be leaving out a large portion of the population outside the college scene who also believe in the power of the palm. We recognize this, and will soon expand to include teenage boys, prison inmates and married men in our plans.
- We expect to collect so much that we will soon start exporting to every country in the world, which will be bought for different reasons, for example, to mix gene pools in order to increase average intelligence and prevent future embarrassment due to ladies like these.
Possible problems with this
- Mixing of collections from different people: A piping system of the scale we envisage will have problems. What if all our collections mix to form a gigantic whirlpool? We were worried about this, but soon calmed down when we realized: A. no one will know and B. all engineers are pretty much the same anyway and C. competition between sperm will ensure even better results, may the best sperm win.
- Need for refrigerated pipes: So what? We'll get refrigerated pipes.
- Our system only caters to those who use a computer to... you know... and not to that large section of the general public which can contribute while bored or unwittingly while sleeping at night... Yes, this is a problem. But what can we do? Can we come to each door? Maybe someday, when we have more money, more time and nothing else to do, we'll think of a way to include them in our plans.
The Grand Vision
This will become the greatest comepany in the world. Some expansion plans and possible results:
- You know what they say about Genghis Khan? That 20% of the present world is descended from him? That's probably false, but our Bank will ensure that this comes true for our chosen contributors. One day, our DNA shall reign supreme!
- Engineering college students will finally have more of a life than other college students - or maybe not. Once they have contributed to the Bank, the one possible reason they might have scored any women is gone.
- The secret plan, however, is all encompassing. We know from Bollywood that all brothers and sisters separated at or after birth will eventually find and instantly recognize each other. For clarifications, consult this lesson. So when we eventually have almost an entire generation spawned from the same few zygotes, they will be effective siblings and, using Bollywood laws of Biology, we shall all unite and take over the world.
